Land of Milk and Humvee

One thing I’ve found since getting to America is how easy some things that used to be difficult are, and how difficult some things that used to be easy are. Recent experiences highlight both ends of that spectrum.

I commented when writing about the Reese’s Puffs about how they float in the milk. What that means is that there’s almost inevitably some milk wasted, left at the bottom of the bowl. As it happens, this is not too much of a problem – because here in the US it’s almost impossible to buy a “pint of milk”. The first problem is working out what “milk” is. It’s something I’ve noticed in the past. You can buy skim milk, 1% low fat milk, 2% reduced fat milk, calcium enhanced milk, vitamin D enhanced milk, half and half (which I believe is half cream, half milk), fat-free half-and-half (which I believe makes no sense), soy milk, buttermilk, enhanced calcium fat free soy milk, lactose free milk (no, really...). But nowhere is there “milk”. Regular, normal, everyday milk. At least, that’s how it appears.

I have learned that all milk in the US is enhanced with vitamin D – like fluoridation of water, years ago some US government agency decided that the best way to get the public to consume certain things is by just sneaking it in to widely eaten food (iodine in salt, folic acid in grains). “Trying to put foreign substances into our precious bodily fluids” as General Jack D Ripper might have said. All of which means that “Vitamin D Enhanced Milk” is what we would call milk.

At least now, that problem is resolved – I can buy milk.

But even so, I’m not sure that you can buy just a pint. In most of the supermarkets it appears that the smallest amount of milk you can buy is half a gallon. We have seen a 2 pint container. 1 pint, a portion size suitable for one person, just doesn’t seem to be available. We’ve noticed this with other groceries, too. It is really, really hard to buy one meal’s worth of food. We bought the smallest packets of green beans we could find a few days ago, and despite feeding four people for three meals we are only half-way through. It appears that the grocery stores here assume that you’re catering to a family of 16, you’re happy to eat the same thing for 6 consecutive days, or you’re happy to throw huge amounts of food in the bin. It’s nearly impossible to just buy enough food for two people for one dinner.

In contrast to the difficulty of buying a pint of milk, it was astonishingly easy to get a driving licence. There is no way that I am safe to drive in the US, less still in the immense SUV that we bought, driving an automatic transmission when I have no idea how to. Yet the Arizona department of motor vehicles seemed almost desperate to get me licenced. I had thought that as a foreign tourist it would be impossible, I’d need a social security number, a permanent address, and many other bits of bureaucracy. But no: just show them the passport, and pass a pretty basic multi-choice test (take 10 minutes reading the Arizona highway code, and you’ll be fine), and then you’re sent out with an examiner. Unlike in the UK, where you have to wait weeks and weeks for appointments, here in Flagstaff I just walked in, and an hour later was taking my test. Which was: drive around the parking lot. Parallel park between some orange cones (and even then, the examiner told me I was slightly missing and then told me when to turn the wheel, which I think showed how desperate she was for me to pass). And then drive around the block. Left turn, right turn, left turn, left turn, right turn back into the parking lot. And that is it. I have an Arizona drivers licence. With a pretty picture of the Grand Canyon on it.

Now I have my driving licence, I’m delegating most of the driving back to Beth – both of us are more comfortable that way.

Yesterday, we went on our first visit to Walmart, and I admired the range of ludicrous cereals on offer. It fills me with hope that this blog actually makes sense. Whilst there I chose to buy my second box of cereal. I’ve not quite finished the Reese’s yet, but next on the list... well, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what it is.

* Note: The title has some artistic license for the benefit of punning